mr. lobster

here's a little overdue video of a cooking adventure i had with my buddies

conley, nick, & carson.

(i'd gifted this lobster as a white elephant the night before).

enjoy!

^ nick, with our dear mr. lobster.

good reads

so, i noticed on my dear friend amy's blog that she posts all of the books she reads,

each year, on her side columns.

that's what i've started to do this year.

the reason why is because i loved looking at what books she was reading

& getting books to read off that list.

i thought you might like to do the same.

in addition to listing the books on the side,

i'll post a blog about each book i read, after i've finished it, giving it a little review.

i'll rate it on a scale of 1-10 in my preference,

& i'll explain why it received that rating.
10 = i absolutely loved it & will read it again.
1 = i didn't like it at all & would never recommend anyone read it.

(a little elementary, i know, but i think it will be fun.)

so let's begin.

book #1  the hunger games  by: suzanne collins

rating:  5

i found this book to be a very quick read, but a good story.

i don't usually like reading "popular" teen fiction,

because i'm usually disappointed with the quality of writing.

this was the case with the hunger games, but it was a very interesting story.

i'd recommend this to younger kids who like reading stories.

book #2  catching fire  by: suzanne collins

rating: 4

this book was the second of the hunger games series.

i read it because i hate not finishing book series,

but like the first book, the quality of writing was very average.

the storyline was still interesting, although, it felt very similar to book one.

again, i'd recommend this to younger kids who like reading stories

& who have already read the first of the series.

book #3  mockingjay  by: suzanne collins

rating: 4

this was the third & final of the hunger games series.

this was not very different from the way i felt about books one or two,

but, i didn't care for the storyline as much.

i found it awkward how noticeably critical of modern politics it was,

for such a fictional futuristic story.

& again, i'd only recommend this to a younger kid who was finishing the series

(just for the sake of finishing it).

book #4  norwegian wood  by:  haruki murakami

rating:  5

this book was interesting.

the author clearly wanted to portray a sort of "catcher in the rye" type story,

but i found its depressing qualities slightly heavier than its inspiring ones.

it also included a couple (non-vulgar) sexual scenes,

which doesn't suite my taste.

i'd only recommend this book to a select few

who wouldn't find my same distaste in those scenes.

episode IV: a new hope

my allotted two weeks are up.

& because last night
i finally said what i've wanted to say, when i wanted to say it,
i feel relieved.

i am past feeling "fine"

& am doing better.
hopeful.

i am moving forward

& finding refuge in other sources of joy.

love comes & goes,

but i have loved without regrets.

there is a poem that portrays my feelings

in a way i would struggle to convey on my own:

"somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond

any experience, your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,

or which i cannot touch because they are too near.

your slightest look easily will unclose me

though i have closed myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as spring opens

(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose.

or if your wish be to close me, i &

my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,

as when the heart of this flower imagines

the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals

the power of your intense fragility: who texture

compels me with the colour of its countries,

rendering death & forever with each breathing.

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

& opens; only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody, not even rain, has such small hands."

-- e. e. cummings  

as i move forward & onward

without regrets, without bitter remorse,

i look forward to molding friendship from past love

& the sprouting blossoms of future loves.

so this is my bidding adieu to this heartbreak,

& welcoming possibility inside.

healing.

life is beautiful.

i choose to see la vie en rose.

ps:  sorry about the following music overload.
i wrote out my favorite application of lyrics for each song to help you out.

"nobody said it was easy.  oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
nobody said it was easy.  no one ever said it would be so hard.  i'm goin' back to the start."

"the sheets are stained with memories of your soft kiss.
now this is all i have: a paper & pen to remember you with."

"a year from now we'll all be gone, all our friends will move away.
& they're going to better places, but our friends will be gone away."

"happy is the heart that still feels pain.
darkness drains & light will come again."

"long may you run although the changes have come.
with your chrome heart shining in the sun long may you run."

"well some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown.
so i've started out for god knows where.  i guess i'll know when i get there."

"summer gone, now winter's on its way.
i will miss the days we had, the days we had."

"pain throws your heart to the ground.  love turns the whole thing around.
fear is a friend who's misunderstood, but i know the heart of life is good."

"but how do i know if i'll make it through?  how do i know, where's the proof in you?
& so it goes. this soldier knows, the battle with the heart isn't easily won.
& so it goes. this soldier knows, the battle with the heart isn't easily won... but it can be won."

"love it will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you;  it will set you free.
be more like the man you were made to be."

"i want your warm but it will only make me colder when it's over.  so i can't tonight, baby.
no, not baby anymore.  if i need you i'll just use your simple name.
only kisses on the cheek from now on & in a little while we'll only have to wave."

trembling

you know that feeling you get when you finally

say or do something that you have wanted to?

knowing if you didn't you would always regret not doing so?

it's liberating,

as well as frightening.

but as i get older, i continue to find reasons why it is important

that we endeavor to live our lives without allowing fear to hold us back.

however,

caution is something we should not abandon.

we must remember that the things we do & say cannot be "taken back".

once you write on a piece of paper,

you can try to erase & erase & erase,

but you will always be able to see a lingering, no matter how faint, mark.

at the same time,

i like to believe that if you are a good person,

with good intent & a loving heart,

the things you do & say in honesty

will not be damaging or severely regrettable.

sure, we all do or say things we sort of wish we didn't,

but in the end, our good hearts will see us through.

"i believe that my life's gonna see the love i give return to me."

(lyric by john mayer from the song wheel)

on another note,

mark twain once said,

"the best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."

i try to live life accordingly.

& the more i do so, the more i realize,

i have a deep passion for making people happy.

for treating people, for surprising them with random bits of good.

i love it.

mark twain was right;

it makes me so happy.

ps:  i have decided to learn this song in french & to attempt to learn it on guitar or piano as well.

it is one of my most favorite songs.

(same song, just an awesome cover by louis)

are you passionate?

pas·sion
[pash-uhn] noun

1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.

2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.

a few of you know i have this thing for passion.

i just love it.

i believe it is a necessary ingredient for a happy life.

if you do not hold fast to whatever your passions are,

i don't see the point in going about your day to day life...regularly.

hemingway said, "every man's life ends the same way.

it is only the details of how he lived & how he died that distinguish one man from another."

how are you living your life?

are you passionate?

are you living & breathing through the trials & challenges of life,

knowing all the while that you still have your passions which bring you joy?

mind you, passion is not the same as obsession.

to be passionate about something, does not have to mean it rules your life.

nor does it have to make sense to anyone but yourself.

passion does not require talent.

passions are also not the things that necessarily are important to you either.

they aren't your husband/wife/kids/job etc,

(unless, of course, you are personally passionate about being a parent

or what have you).

though those things are necessary & important,

are they what you loved or wished for since you were a little child?

again i ask you, are you passionate?

what are you passionate about?

to answer questions like these,

we must first define passion.

passion stems from the archaic term

passionem (passio for short)

which is roughly translated as suffering; enduring; strong emotion.

this was often referenced with the passion of christ,

along with the name for the passionflower -- flos passionis --

which arose from the supposed resemblance of the corona

to the crown of thorns christ worn on the cross.

as we can see,

passion is much more than just an obsession.

passions are deep within our roots.

they are what bring us happiness, on a personal level.

i like to think of passion as being

the thing i would do everyday the rest of my life, even if i never got paid a dime.

watch this video & tell me that the passion emitted from it doesn't bring tears to your eyes.

passion is most delicate when it is first spoken.

when a child first tells their parent,

"daddy, i want to be a snowboarder when i grow up!"

how delicate of a passion & dream this is.

what do people usually say to such outlandishly beautiful dreams?

"that's great honey, but make sure you stay in school & get an education,

just in case, so you have something to fall back on."

this is normal to say, & though i don't condemn anyone for saying this,

i hope to never say it to my future children

i want to encourage them, as my parents did me.

of course i will assure them that they need schooling,

because i believe schooling is wise no matter what your passion or path in life is.

i love learning.

but i hope to always support my children with whatever their passions are,

(so long as they are ethically, morally, & intellectually edifying.)

^_^

so i ask you one more time, what are your passions?

i challenge you to write down a list of 25 different passions you've found in life.

not a safety list; one that you would not be embarrassed to read out loud.

rather, a list so personal it reaches & digs at the very core of your being.

as a second challenge,

i challenge you to seize one of your passions.

i challenge you to revive one of them & allow it to live & breathe within you.

just do it.

if you can't seem to pinpoint any passion in your life,

email/text/call/facebook; contact 25 of your friends & family members,

& ask them to describe you in one sentence.

ask them to not say anything degrading, sarcastic, negative, or jokingly.

just an honest, pleasant sentence.

i will be doing so, simply because it sounds intriguing to me.

when you do so, i am told your passion may very well become apparent to you

through these sentences.

now, i am going to give you a list of 10 of my passions.

please don't laugh at them.

they don't have to make sense to you,
in fact, many of you may not even know they existed within me.

but they do, & they bring me happiness.

i am passionate about:
-- cooking

-- travelling;  seeing the world & the people in it.

-- serving people i treasure or care about;  giving them gifts;  making them happy.

-- writing:  lyrics, books, poems, blogs, emails, letters, anything.

-- letters: writing them, sending them, receiving them, stamps, postage, paper, envelopes, everything. 

-- creating art/beauty;  playing a musical instrument, painting, drawing, or taking a picture.

-- being outside:  hiking, camping, backpacking, travelling, adventuring, anything.

--  being different;  breaking the mold;  being noticed doing what i love or deem right.

-- loving, being with, & caring for animals.

-- being loved, admired, & trusted.

those are all things that bring me happiness.

i am still trying to write list upon list of my passions,

in hopes that i can find my deepest, most treasured passion.

until then, i challenge you to be passionate.

live a life you love.

& i'll leave you with one of my most favorite neil young songs:

are you passionate?

are you passionate?

are you livin' like you talk?

are you dreamin' how you'll be goin' to the top?

are you negative

in a world that never stops turning on you,

turning on me, turning on you?

are you loving it?

can you ever get enough of it?

is it everything:

a love that never stops coming to you,

coming to me, coming to you?

once i was soldier, i was fighting in the sky.

& the gunfire kept coming back on me.

so i dove into the darkness & i let my missiles fly,

& they might be the ones that kept you free.

once i was a prisoner, i was riding in a truck

cleaned up for a public display.

i looked at those around me & when they looked at me

i let them see my soul on that day.

are you scared of it?

do you wish that it would stop?

does it bother you when you hear your spirit talk?

well i'm right with you.

yes, i'm right with you,

it's working on me, it's working on you.

it's working on me.

i wonder what it's all about

on wednesday,

i wasn't feeling too happy.

i was driving around sulking when i saw a homeless man

standing on the side of the road holding a sign that read,

"honest & hungry".

i thought to myself,

"anna, when was the last time you gave to a homeless person?"

(i used to all the time).

i think the combination of this man's sign,

my situation,

& my mood

made me realize something important.

even though i may have hard times,

i still have a roof over my head,

family & friends who love & care about me,

good health,

a decent job,

& a full life ahead of me.

so you know what i thought next?

"sir, i like your sign.  & because i am not happy,

i want to make you happy."

so you know what i did?

i gave him all the cash in my wallet.

(granted) it was only a cluster of ones (i think),

but still, it was a decently sized cluster.

i don't know how much money i gave him,

but i don't care.

it felt so... relieving.

nothing does the heart more good

than a handful of service.

since that fateful night,

i have decided to make a goal.

it's a kind of late new year's resolution,

but i vote it still counts.

my goal will be to keep service in my heart;

to stop focusing on myself.

more specifically,

to volunteer at the homeless shelter

[at least] once every two weeks.

it's not much to start with, but, baby steps.

i miss this:

serving children who love & adore you so fully,

without any expectations.

my name is tom

my grandma told me to write a song

about how i feel:

i will.

sorry though, i probably won't share it with you.

look at me now

during those moments when i feel a shade of melancholy blue,

i look around me.

i see the people i love & admire.

& in a wistful sort of way,

i imagine how they see me through their eyes.

& i think.

if i could see myself through your eyes,

would i sit here & cry?

or rather, would i find hope in life's bittersweet kiss,

knowing that there is yet more to come?

i know that if you could see yourself through my eyes,

you'd feel nothing but admiration.

you'd realize your influence & your beauty,

& just how much your friendship means to me.

you might see the instant relief when i call you,

& before i can sputter

"are you free to talk?"

your love discerns the disconnect in my speech.

if i could see myself through their eyes,

would i still feel alone?

or rather, would i feel the undeniable strength 

that we've built from years of love & experience?

i know that if they could see themselves through my eyes,

they'd feel nothing but unspoken love.

they'd understand my humility & commitment,

& realize it was all because of their efforts.

they might see the hope seeping into my heart,

as i come home to open arms,

"i'll always love you."

the words resonate within.

what a beautiful thing it is,

the gift of sight.

though sometimes, 

it takes heartbreak, fear, or trials

in order for us to gain a clear view;

life moves forward.

give love freely & never regret doing so,

for life is beautiful.

it is up to us to choose

whether or not we will continue to see

la vie en rose.

"i believe that my life's gonna see

the love i give return to me."

full moons & pensive things

this is the playlist i can always return to,

on nights like tonight;

nights with full moons & blue skies.

love is a burning thing

i have never particularly been a fan of photos like this one.

photos showing young boys & girls acting in love.

i don't like them.

i've never known why,

until,

i had a sort of deep epiphany when i saw this picture:

i don't know what it was about this picture, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

i know, i know.
there's nothing bad about this picture;

it's supposed to be adorable.

my reaction is really just a personal issue.

i think this issue begins somewhere along the lines of,

i treasure childhood innocence.

in almost a holden caulfield sort of way,

i repel anything that spoils the innocence of childhood memories.

these pictures aren't necessarily spoiling any childhood innocence,

except,

the concept of a child loving the way an adult loves.

adults' love is not innocent.

adults' love is heartbreaking,

challenging,

tumultuous,

& at times, deceptive.

children do not love that way.

children love without thinking.

they truly do love with innocence.

it is a beautiful thing.

but i am not condemning the love amongst adults,

quite the opposite, in fact.

i find it demeaning to put an adult's love

in the hands of children-- so to speak.

i don't think children can hold or comprehend the gravity of an adult's love.

i think that is why children can never quite grasp the love a parent has for their child

until they themselves have a child of their own.

this is a love that is not innocent,

& endures all sorts of trials,

but is, in my opinion, the highest degree of love.

though it can be a

"can't live with it, can't live without it" type of ordeal,

this love is strong & very powerful.

i cherish this kind of love.

this kind of love where two people recognize one another's

faults & issues,

& yet, love one another despite them.

& though we are at times guilty of being rude, wrong, or unforgivable, 

this kind of love will hold to what is true & what is right.

it forgives the faults of each others' love.

it is the hardships that entail this love,

that make it so powerful & moving.

so when i see a picture,

depicting two innocent children

loving

in an adult sort of way,

i am bothered.

the love of a child is innocent & beautiful.

we should never want to replace it with an adult sort of love.

nor should we diminish the gravity of adult love by putting it in such a scene

(whether for a child or lover).

love is amazing in whatever form it comes it.

i hope to always perceive love,

& to always embrace it.

one world is enough

often times,

i feel like i am too small to make a difference in this world.

i get caught up with the "big picture"

& lose sight of what really matters:

the day to day, person to person, interactions.

those are what make a difference.

every time i watch this video,

i am moved (almost) to tears.

it is so amazing to me,

to see all these people, in places all over the world,

coming together to just dance.

we are all different,

but in a sense,

we are all the same.

living, breathing, loving

the same.

together.