every time i go home, my ride inevitably drives past the petsmart where we put him down & i can't help but think of him. or when the neighbor's dog barkley comes over to play, i'm reminded of max.
yesterday i watched a part of homeward bound (a classic right?). & while i watched it i almost started to cry; what shadow 'said' to peter as they hugged goodbye really got to me.
"i know. i know you're sad. i wish i knew why. what's wrong? don't worry peter, i'm here to protect you."
there's no better way to describe this kind of love--between a person & their pet. & if you've never felt this connection, i feel sorry for you. i love my max & i will always hold his memory near my heart.
please… if you have facebook (yes, i know, facebook) then go please go “like” for my video on the International Language Programs (ILP)’s facebook page.
it is titled “ILP Video” by anna diederich.
it’s a contest and the video with the most “likes” wins!
here is the link to the video, after you like the ILP page:
my best friend leah & i made ourselves a bucket list.
the time slot in which we have to complete this list is july 23rd through october 12th 2011.
this will be our summer time spent together.
some of the things on this bucket list include:
build a killer fort
hike ensign's peak at night
climb & paint suicide rock
throw a tropical themed sushi party M.Y.O.S. (make your own sushi)
write a song to the backstreet boys
attempt a road trip to arizona
go camping
& buy a pet to share
we're so excited. especially me. i've been starved of social interaction too long... but if i have this waiting for me, then i certainly can hold on another 3 months in rexburg.
some of our past adventures:
2005: the real beginning of our adventurous friendship
2006: creating the "steaming lips" inside joke
2006: ward outtings
2007: go utes.
2007: efy
2007: boating trips with epic tubing challenges
2007: we became acquainted with curtis the llama!
2008: st. geezy trip!
2008: st. geezy trip continued: us gangsters singing avril lavigne karaoke.
2009: concerts (secondhand serenade)
2010: we don't even have to leave the car to have an adventure.
2011: festival of colors!
2011: no matter how far apart we are (down the street or in different countries), we find ways to communicate.
i've never liked it when people say "of course you'll get married. i just know it." or "everyone is afraid of that, so don't let it get to you".
fears of what life holds for each of us are not diminished by the fact that everybody has them.
& the truth is, not everybody ends up happily married.
not everybody ends up the way they once dreamed of.
so who is to say i won't be one of those people?
it happens to the best of us, & the worst of us.
but often times, people like to ignore the reality that life inevitably presents.
some of us will not accomplish our dreams.
some of us will not get married.
& yet, every girl is constantly told [while] growing up, "one day, you'll meet a guy who will love you for who you are! i just know it."
what if i don't?
these fears are natural. but they are so daunting.
will i be married one day?
will my life become a tragedy or an epic?
what is my ending?
nobody knows the answers to these questions (well, with one exception) & so when i come to someone, simply wanting to express these fears & reverently discuss them with a friend... i would hope that that friend wouldn't just sit & tell me, "it's ok anna. you'll meet the right guy. you'll be happy." just accept the fact that no one knows what life will bring each of us & stop trying to make it ok.
the unknown is scary, but it's something we'll face everyday for the rest of our lives.
i don't mean to sound glum, or pessimistic. i am just tired of people acting like "everything will be ok". sometimes it won't. but we all have the ability to react.
positively or negatively.
for better or for worse.
c'est la vie.
lately i've been listening to carla bruni. i sing along to some of her french lyrics, pretending to know what i'm singing, but ultimately i just google it. today i googled the translation to one of my new favorites of hers & was very surprised/pleased to read these lyrics: (translated)
tout le monde by carla bruni
everybody is a strange person,
& everybody has a tangled soul.
everybody has some humming childhood,
at the bottom of a forgotten pocket.
everybody has pieces left of dreams,
& corners of destroyed life.
everybody has sought something one day,
but everybody hasn't found it
but everybody hasn't found it.
everybody would have to demand to the authorities,
a law against all our loneliness.
that no one will ever be forgotten,
& that no one will ever be forgotten.
everybody has a hell of a life going on,
but not everybody can remember it.
i can see some that fold it and even break it,
& i can see some that can't even see it,
& i can see some that can't even see it.
everybody would have to demand to the authorities
a law against all our indifference.
that no one will ever be forgotten,
& that no one will ever be forgotten.
everybody is a strange person,
& everybody has a tangled soul.
everybody has some humming childhood,
at the bottom of a forgotten hour,
at the bottom of a forgotten hour...
also, i've been listening to this song lately:
happily ever after by he is we
i never gave he is we much of a chance. but while i was in china, one of my girls (shelby), forced me to sit down & listen to the lyrics of this song. "everyone has these fears," she said, "so stop thinking it's just you." & though i'm still not much of a fan of he is we, i can't deny that i relate to this song... like every other single girl my age.
people always tell me i have big eyes. i don't ever really notice it, or understand why they say that. they seem normal to me, but then again, i've lived with them my entire life. but today in the eye doctor's office, i had a funny experience, due to the size of my eyes, that i've never had before.
he says to me, "we're just gonna let your eyes sit for a while, then i'll be back to look at them."
confused, i ask "are we going to dilate them?"
even more confused, he says "we have. we just need to wait for the drops to sit in a little while longer."
"but, i haven't had any eye drops."
(doubting my knowledge) he says, "you haven't? let me go ask the assistant."
he leaves, & comes back.
"it looks like you have really big pupils!"
needless to say, because my eyes are so big (apparently) i don't need to dilate them at the eye doctor's.
oh, feel free to listen to this song. it's my current obsession caught on repeat.
[with the exception of those close to me like family & best friends]
it makes me feel shallow.
(not in my judgments, but in regards to the depth of my being).
just because you know that i love music & hate pop culture doesn't mean you understand me.
just because you know that i want to study biology & not family consumer science doesn't mean you know where i want to go with my life.
just because you've learned where i want to be in 5 years doesn't mean you understand the mentality i have behind my goals.
this is why i hate facebook.
i blame facebook for people's false sense of knowledge, based off the assumptions & judgments they make about other people after stalking their page for 10 minutes.
this is why is one of the reasons why i deleted facebook.
i had someone tell me that they love me because they finally got to see who i really was, after adding me on facebook & stalking my page.
previous to our "official facebook friendship" he told me he hated who i am [was?].
(mind you, nothing changed in our daily "hi how are you?" conversations. he hasn't learned anything about me.)
& i didn't change.
his judgment of "who anna diederich is" did.
thanks facebook.
so here i am, without facebook, & living life content with where i am.
limited social contact,
[only what's necessary & enjoyable]
overwhelming amounts of schoolwork,
& my running time.
but recently i met this guy (who i'd always had my peripheral vision set on) & i came away from meeting him thinking he was rather interesting. i wanted to get to know him. only, he was already interested in my roommate (he asked her out via facebook), so he didn't really care to carry on past simple conversation with me - the one roommate who has a private vendetta with facebook.
so here i am, wishing i had facebook for the very reason i got rid of it; i want to be able to add him, talk to him & show him my page (who i am when portrayed by what i choose to output, rather than who i appear to be in my daily conversation) in hopes that he'd like what he'd see. problem is, i won't get my facebook back just for that. plus, i'm too shy to actually talk to him, or even try to get his number. oh, not to mention, he's now in a "facebook official" relationship with my roommate.
so it goes. . .
i hate facebook.
& here is where i'd also go on listing the things i hate about myself (that led up to these events) & that prevent me from being more socially appealing, but the truth of the matter is: i don't hate who i am. in fact, i like it. i like that i'm introverted. i like that i hate facebook. & i like that i'm too shy to simply ask a new friend for his number.
ultimately, i wish people would stop assuming they understand me.
why do i love music?
why do i want to study biology?
why do i make certain goals?
of what value is it to me?
why do i value respect above all other social courtesies?
what life experiences made me who i am today?
what makes me tick?
facebook can't tell you the answer to any of these questions.
it can only raise them, & leave you filling in the blanks with your own fictional (fantastic or detrimental) details.
