infer from this

i don't like it when people assume they know me.

[with the exception of those close to me like family & best friends]

it makes me feel shallow.

(not in my judgments, but in regards to the depth of my being).

just because you know that i love music & hate pop culture doesn't mean you understand me.

just because you know that i want to study biology & not family consumer science doesn't mean you know where i want to go with my life.

just because you've learned where i want to be in 5 years doesn't mean you understand the mentality i have behind my goals.

this is why i hate facebook.

i blame facebook for people's false sense of knowledge, based off the assumptions & judgments they make about other people after stalking their page for 10 minutes.

this is why is one of the reasons why i deleted facebook.

i had someone tell me that they love me because they finally got to see who i really was, after adding me on facebook & stalking my page.

previous to our "official facebook friendship" he told me he hated who i am [was?].

(mind you, nothing changed in our daily "hi how are you?" conversations.  he hasn't learned anything about me.)

& i didn't change.

his judgment of "who anna diederich is" did.

thanks facebook.

so here i am, without facebook, & living life content with where i am.

limited social contact,

[only what's necessary & enjoyable]

overwhelming amounts of schoolwork,

& my running time.

but recently i met this guy (who i'd always had my peripheral vision set on) & i came away from meeting him thinking he was rather interesting.  i wanted to get to know him.  only, he was already interested in my roommate (he asked her out via facebook), so he didn't really care to carry on past simple conversation with me - the one roommate who has a private vendetta with facebook.

so here i am, wishing i had facebook for the very reason i got rid of it; i want to be able to add him, talk to him & show him my page (who i am when portrayed by what i choose to output, rather than who i appear to be in my daily conversation) in hopes that he'd like what he'd see.  problem is, i won't get my facebook back just for that.  plus, i'm too shy to actually talk to him, or even try to get his number.  oh, not to mention, he's now in a "facebook official" relationship with my roommate.

so it goes. . .

i hate facebook.

& here is where i'd also go on listing the things i hate about myself (that led up to these events) & that prevent me from being more socially appealing, but the truth of the matter is:  i don't hate who i am.  in fact, i like it.  i like that i'm introverted.  i like that i hate facebook.  & i like that i'm too shy to simply ask a new friend for his number.

ultimately, i wish people would stop assuming they understand me.

why do i love music?

why do i want to study biology?

why do i make certain goals?

of what value is it to me?

why do i value respect above all other social courtesies?

what life experiences made me who i am today?

what makes me tick?

facebook can't tell you the answer to any of these questions.

it can only raise them, & leave you filling in the blanks with your own fictional (fantastic or detrimental) details.