uncharted

i love this music video,

& the people in it.

snowfall

this snowfall,

my friends & i decided to throw a real

white elephant/christmas sweater party!

it was a complete success.

bummer

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/12-extremely-disappointing-facts-about-popular-mus

no pop song today will ever compare to the pop songs of the 60's & such.

never.

happy holidays

love,

me & my friends

(aren't we a cute family?)

breakfast at tiffany's

today is a good day.

i don't know why,

but i've just been so happy all day.

94.1 radio music was playin' tunes i love all day.

i was singing along while workin' on people's teeth.

i almost skipped all the way home from work because of my mood.

it's just one of those inexplicably happy days.

not all those who wander are lost

we watched this during fhe yesterday.

i was immediately touched by it;

tears were rolling down my cheeks, as i know

with every fiber in my being

that i know the calm feeling russell m. nelson

is talking about.

a couple weeks ago,

i had a slightly similar near-death experience.

i was riding my family's vespa home from the sportsmall.

it was dark out,

& difficult to see on the dimly lit streets.

as i was riding down the far right lane,

i noticed a car ahead,

on a street perpendicular to mine,

on my right side.

this car attempted to execute a right hand turn,

as i was riding in front of them.

at a speed of 45mph,

i had to quickly & severely swerve

 in order to not be hit & scattered across the road.

i continued to drive home in a state of awe.

i thought i should be mad at the person driving that car,

who didn't see me,

& nearly killed me,

but i wasn't.

not at all.

in fact,

i actually felt sorry for them.

i couldn't imagine how awful they must have felt

after seeing me swerve past their front bumper.

i felt calm as i drove home.

more calm than i had felt in a long time.

my heart wasn't racing,

my thoughts weren't chasing after regrets.

for one of the first times in my life,

i had this thought that,

"if i had just died, tonight, i would be ok.

my life will have been a simple & humble triumph."

i have repented of my past sins.

i have lived in honest & earnest attempt to be near

my father in heaven.

i am filled with his love & peace.

i was calm.

i am calm,
for i know that

everything will be ok.

more than love

of all the poets & poems out there,

this is one of my most favorite

written by one of my favorites.

"annabel lee"  by: edgar allan poe

it was many & many a year ago,

in a kingdom by the sea,

that a maiden there lived whom you may know

by the name of annabel lee;

& this maiden she lived with no other thought

than to love & be loved by me.

i was a child & she was a child,

in this kingdom by the sea;

but we loved with a love that was more than love-

i & my annabel lee.

with a love that the winged seraphs of heaven

coveted her & me.

& this was the reason that, long ago,

in this kingdom by the sea,

a wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

my beautiful annabel lee;

so that her highborn kinsman came

& bore her away from me,

to shut her up in a sepulchre

in this kingdom by the sea.

the angels, not half so happy in heaven,

went envying her & me-

yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,

in this kingdom by the sea.)

that the wind came out of the cloud by night,

chilling & killing my annabel lee.

but our love it was stronger by far than the love

of those who were older than we-

of many far wiser than we-

& neither the angels in heaven above,

nor the demons down under the sea,

can ever dissever my soul from the soul

of the beautiful annabel lee.

for the moon never beams without bringing me dreams

of the beautiful annabel lee;

& the stars never rise but i feel the bright eyes

of the beautiful annabel lee;

& so, all the night-tide, i lie down by the side 

of my darling- my darling- my life & my bride,

in the sepulchre there by the sea,

in her tomb by the sounding sea.

bring me your love tonight

city & colour

11/11/11

was the best concert i have ever been to.

(i'm not exaggerating.)

the music,

the company,

the night;

it was fantastic.

i once had a friend tell me he believes there is nothing better

than dancing with a cute girl while listening to good music.

now, i have to agree with him

(naturally replacing 'cute girl' with 'handsome boy', of course).

swaying & singing along to songs like

made me feel the best i have felt in a long time.

it was perfect.

snowfall kind of love

the first snowfall always puts me in a good mood;

a frank sinatra mood.

this is my favorite sinatra song.

i want it to be played at my wedding one day.

it's just so classy.

& that's what snowfall,

fresh & clean from the sky,

reminds me of.

i love warm winter clothes:

boots

tights

scarves

gloves

beanies

& jackets.

when i think of winter's first snowfall,

i picture an old-fashioned scene.

a boy & a girl are walking together,

arm in arm, through the snowy streets 

into a warm, cozy, dimly lit restaurant

where they enjoy a lovely meal at a quaint table for two,

right next to the frosty window.

& frank sinatra has to be playing in the background.

it just fits.

romantic.

i believe in christ

i believe in christ;

he stands supreme.

from him i'll gain my fondest dream;

& while i strive through grief & pain,

his voice is heard: "ye shall obtain."

long time comin'

forever ago i promised i'd be making a video of

my friends' st. george trip.

well, here it is.

enjoy!

red hunting caps

the human brain is an interesting thing.
with each moment of time, significant or not, a memory is created.  this memory is noted by the emotions stirred within our hearts, glimpses of detail caught by our eyes, & thoughts passing through at that time.  but time has a mysterious way of clouding the links to these memories.  the more time that goes by; the foggier the link.  the memory still exists, but we somehow find ourselves disconnected.  while we are able to recall even the most minute of details in such memories, we no longer feel the emotions that were attached & often rediscovered when called upon at an earlier, less foggy, time.  we can only remember feeling a certain way.

i think this is a tragically beautiful blessing.

it makes moments, like these, possible for reexamination at a later time.

it was a night like any other.  the street was dimly lit by lamp posts & yellow stars, spotted along its borders.  the neighbors had all gone to bed, & little children fast asleep needed quiet.  summer was drawing near its end, & the first chapter of highschool was about to begin.
unaware & unprepared for what the future held in store for their relationship, an innocent girl in love was being walked home by a boy.  crickets & laughter filled the air, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, protecting her from the superstitiously dark lamp post.  blush flooded her face as he whispered words of vigilant endearment in her ear.
the surrounding trees blanketed their love in blissful secrecy as they arrived in her backyard, but it was the cold, emerald-colored grass that had a peculiar way of bringing the two closer.  whether by causing their toes to find their way to each other in search of lingering summer heat, or by tickling her neck until he places his arm underneath it in a chivalrous attempt to provide her with comfort;  the grass knew how to bring them together.
as he kissed her goodnight, she silently swore she could marry him someday.
she walked inside, having loved relentlessly & blissfully.
he walked away, his head hung heavy with protective fear.

all hallows' eve

this halloween was a blast!
i went to several parties
 in several different costumes.

party #1:  hallow-funka-ween
costume:  pirate

party #2:  random house party
costume:  pirate (with 5 minutes notice, courtesy of l. walker's brother)

party #3:  avenue house party
costume:  the holidays
meg was valentine's day
laci was st. patrick's day
lindsay s. was mother's day
kalli was the 4th of july
sara was pioneer day
amber was halloween
i was thanksgiving
lindsay w. was christmas
& carson was just a scary guy

party #4:  the institute party
costume:  snow white & the 7 dwarfs

i was grumpy

megan was doc

lindsay s. was sneezy

sara was sleepy

kalli was dopey

laci was happy

emma was bashful

& lindsay w. was snow white!

we were seriously the hit costumes of this party.

at least 10 people asked to take picture of/with us.

definitely a halloween to remember!

edging closer

love

i absolutely love this engagement video.

Emmy + Josh:  Polaroid Engagement from Nathan Pickett on Vimeo.

i think it would be cool to go into wedding videography.

"prufrock is like my mantra"

i just saw this movie:

& i loved it;

definitely a new favorite.

naturally,

it's reinforced my dream of paris

& its romance & magic.
but it also made me realize that my dream of paris
could not be satiated by simply living in paris.
i must be one who works
to make my dreams my realities.
just as life in a different era could not be more satisfying
than life in the present.
(which is what the protagonist in this movie struggles with thinking.)
i love it.

a few of my favorite quotes from this movie include:
"that's what the present is.
it's a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying."

"the artist's job is not to succumb to despair

but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."

"no subject is terrible if the story is true,

if the prose is clean & honest,

& it affirms courage & grace under pressure."

"you'll never be a good writer if you fear dying.  do you?"

"yeah, i do. i would say it's my greatest fear."

cognitive dissonance

"the test of a first-rate intelligence is
the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind
at the same time,
& still retain the ability to function.
one should, for example,
be able to see that things are hopeless
& yet be determined to make them otherwise."

--f. scott fitzgerald

i fall i fall i faulter

count your blessings

no drama

a simply kind text

a welcoming hug & kiss on the cheek

going to get treats with your best friend

enjoying moments in the company of happy people

talking about secret feelings with someone you trust

laughing at your silly moments

building trust & confidence

helping put away groceries

comforting the ones you love

...

it's nights like tonight that make me grateful for the human ability to

adapt & find peace in those adaptations.

the ability to confide in someone,

the ability to trust & to gain trust.

friendship is a beautiful thing.

"to laugh often & much;

to win the respect of intelligent people

& the affection of children;

to earn the appreciation of honest critics

& endure the betrayal of false friends;

to appreciate beauty;

to find the best in others;

to leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child,

a garden patch,

or a redeemed social condition;

to know even one life has breathed easier

because you have lived.

this is to have succeeded."

--ralph waldo emerson

fire & rain

there is no kind of pain,

like the pain of suffering love's absence,

in a cherished friendship.

temporary or not.

to feel unwanted,

or held at arms length,

by a person you know

& understand

like the back of your own hand

is inexplicable.

knowing that you made a mistake,

the sting of regret

intermingled with

your hurt pride

"am i not worth forgiving?"

"is the friendship not worth it?"

if i could just make you understand...

i'm trying...

free agency is a difficult opponent.

this is not my decision to be made.

i can only pray.

laguna 2011

this is a video my mom asked me to make

of her trip to laguna with friends.

enjoy!

days we dream about

yesterday

was one of the best birthdays

i've ever had.

(despite the fact that my two brothers

both

forgot it was my birthday.)

21 years old

i finally received a letter

sent from one of my good missionary friends

in may!

my city & colour ticket

came in the mail.

(29 days left!)
i received an unexpected & really nice gift
from an old friend.

& my loving mother gave me some

super cute clothes from california

as well as

sephora mascara & perfume!

after all the gift giving,

i spent the majority of the day

with someone who planned it all out for me.

first, we went up to alta ski resort & hiked around the slopes.

the scenery was gorgeous.

i loved it.

then we went to cafe rio for dinner.

delicious.

after dinner, i needed to visit my grandparents

to chat & pick up some gifts.

so we headed over to nana & poppy's for a nice time.

(wilford spent the majority of the time

harassing carson

in his friendly german way.)

it was to be expected.

& last but definitely not least,

we headed back to carson's to watch

not one, but two

black & white movies.

creature from the black lagoon 

(one of my classic favorites)

& carnival of souls.

honestly,

i expected nothing for my birthday

as far as friends go.

& to have a day like this,

was just what i needed.

it made me so happy.

i had the best birthday ever.

cautious hesitation

i look at the roses.

i admire them.

i would like to have one of my own,

but i've heard they don't smell that good.

i picked one once,

to see how it smelt,

but my finger was pricked by its thorn.

i have a scar where the thorn dug in.

so i'm afraid to plant a rosebush

in my garden.

not only could it prick me,

but it could die & ruin my garden.

instead, i gaze into my neighbor's

& watch.

i watch their roses blossom & bloom.

my garden is filled with beautiful flowers

like acacia,

chrysanthemums,

edelweiss,

& rhododendrons.

but no roses.

oh, how i long for those roses.

the beauty of just one rose

far surpasses the sweet scents & vibrant colors

any other flower has to present. 

yesterday,

my friend generously offered me

a rosebush seed

to plant in my garden.

excitedly, i accept the seed.

so, i gather my gardening tools

& go out to my garden.

as i kneel on the grass,

i look for a spot to plant my rosebush.

there is plenty of room everywhere i look.

in fact, my garden looks at me

rather emptily.

i hesitate.

& as i try to decide where i ought to plant my seed,

i begin to wonder if i should plant it at all.

what if it's a bad seed?

what if it dies

& spoils my beautiful garden?

i would have to build a new garden.

i look down at the seed,

& i turn it over in my hand.

it is small,

round

(it's almost like a circle),

& light brown in color.

how do i know if it's a good seed?

how do i know it won't spoil my garden?

how do i know if it will die?

all i have is the word of my friend.

i cannot hold this seed forever;

it will not last unless planted.

even then, 

it might not grow.

it might die

& i'd be left

to weed out the dead roots.

i've worked hard on my garden

& it's so beautiful,

but still...

it's empty without a rosebush.

maybe i could go to the store

& look at the rose seeds they have for me to buy.

perfectly packaged rose seeds.

no, i don't think i will.

i don't think i would like any of those seeds.

this seed is just as good as those.

i like this seed.

its imperfectly circular figure

fits comfortably in my hand

& it comes from a friend.

although,

i don't know how much this friend likes me.

they've given me a rosebush seed,

so that must mean something.

but they haven't called to see if i've planted it

or not.

maybe i should return it to them.

perhaps they have someone else

they'd rather give it to.

after all,

when i offered them

a sunflower seed,

they didn't really want it.

i have a few days to decide

what to do with this seed.

i'd love to have a rosebush

with deep red roses blossoming & blooming

all over it.

but i'm afraid to plant it,

for fear that it might not grow

& ruin my garden.

i'll sleep tonight

with one question on my mind.

which is worse?

to not plant this rosebush seed

& live with a beautiful but ultimately empty garden,

or

to plant a bad rosebush seed that destroys my garden

& leaves me to put exhausting effort into building a new one?

do you know?

i think i do,

but i don't want to admit it.

our hands gripping

this song was just shown to me.

& i'm in love with it.

the lyrics fit perfectly

to where i am in my mind.

also, the music video is pretty cool.

we're only young & naive still

we require certain skills

the mood it changes like the wind

hard to control when it begins

the bittersweet between my teeth

trying to find the in-betweens

fall back in love eventually

yeah yeah yeah yeah

can't help myself but count the flaws

claw my way out through these walls

one temporary escape

feel it start to permeate

we lie beneath the stars at night

our hands gripping each other tight

you keep my secrets hope to die

promises, swear them to the sky

the bittersweet between my teeth

trying to find the in-betweens

fall back in love eventually

yeah yeah yeah yeah

as it withers

brittle it shakes

can you whisper

as it crumbles & breaks

 as you shiver

count up all your mistakes

pair of forgivers

let go before it's too late

can you whisper 

can you whisper

can you whisper

can you whisper

the bittersweet between my teeth

trying to find the in-betweens

fall back in love eventually

yeah yeah yeah yeah

the bittersweet between my teeth

trying to find the in-betweens

fall back in love eventually

yeah yeah yeah yeah

as time goes by

lately i've been on an old movie kick.

i've watched 

sabrina (1954)

the curse of frankenstein (1957)

casablanca (1942)

 & gone with the wind (1939).

as i watch these movies,

i find myself just loving humphrey bogart,

as well as the idea of running away to paris.

"paris isn't for changing planes, it's for changing your outlook!

for throwing open the windows & letting in...

letting in la vie en rose."

"paris is for lovers.

maybe that's why i stayed only 35 minutes."

out of all these movies though,

i really loved sabrina & casablanca.

in sabrina, audrey hepburn describes to humphrey bogart

what he must do the first night he runs away to paris.

she says, 

"this is what you do on your very first day in paris.

you get yourself, not a drizze, but some honest-to-goodness rain,

& you find yourself someone really nice

& drive her through the bois de boulogne in a taxi.

the rain's very important.

that's when paris smells its sweetest.

- it's the damp chestnut trees."

now i find myself so badly wanting to

run away to paris with a lover,

& doing just that.

or at least leaving for paris,

& falling in love with someone i can't have,

like in casablanca.

"we'll always have paris."
(& oh how'd i'd just go weak at the knees if a boy ever said to me,
"here's lookin' at you, kid."
the way humphrey bogart does.)

there's something magical about paris & humphrey bogart.

it's so romantic.

thursday nights

thursday night baking

with anna & kalli

enjoy!

"lightning" the mood

tunes for beautifully rainy days.

boys trip (+ me)

lone peak hike

11,253 elevation

15 miles

2 days

so cool.

lo

a thin line of difference

compassion

com·pas·sion

 [kuhm-pash-uhn]

noun

a feeling of deep sympathy & sorrow

for another who is stricken by misfortune,

accompanied by

a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

compassion

is a choice.

it is the choice

to pick up a & comfort a child

after they have fallen

& scraped their knee.

it is the choice

to not swat at two bees

after they have flown down

& disturbed your meal.

compassion

is a feeling.

it is that feeling 

of heartbreak

when learning of a friend's recent suffering

& bringing them cookies to let them know you care.

it is that feeling

of humility

when recognizing how your actions have hurt another

& relentlessly reaching out to mend what's been torn.

compassion

is a desire.

it is the desire

to forgive those who have wronged you

in order to love them once more.

it is the desire

to enlighten those with great potential & a tender heart

in order to bring them to a clearer understanding.

soldiers & parachutes

1) i love ingrid's red hair in the parachute video

2) she has a way of putting girly emotions into catchy lyrics

3) i don't really have a 3rd reason for posting these videos other than my current relation to the lyrics

(sort of). 

oh also, i was recently told i ought to cut my hair in this style:

now, you guys know as well as i do that i could never & would never cut my hair this short.

but if there were ever a time to try & convince me to do so, now would be it.

so tell me, what do you think?

to cut or not to cut?

listening [to the heart]

a day in the mountains.

an afternoon alone.

lying on the rocks,

thinking.

listening [to the heart],

"be safe."

the gentle whisper of bird's wings,

the soft hum of flies & bees,

breathing:

finding joy in life's journey.

basking in the radiance of nature,

the sun, the trees, the flowers.

the surrounding beauty.

be safe.

thoughts drifting through;

trickling down my spine.

this peaceful stream

slipping from puddle to puddle,

gliding from stone to pebble,

yet ending

not so suddenly.

rather,

expectedly.

be safe...

listening

to the stages of the heart.

my heart;

joy,

astonishment,

& doubt

intermingled with fear.

is it safe to ineptly enjoy

without preparational thoughts

of the eventual demise?
or to even assume a demise?
what about growth?
a blossoming hope.

be safe.