sunrise, sunrise of 5/12/99

well folks, it's been a little over a month since we put max down.
it's no longer hard to accept, just hard to think about.  there have been many things on my mind of late.  thoughts of who i want to be, where i want to go, & how i can do these things.

i'm not going to tell you why, but this will be my last "weekly blog" about max.  i know it was one of my new year's resolutions, but better judgment's going to have to veto this one.  (sorry, i know you all loved hearing me retell my memories).

one of my most treasured memories of max, aside from the many confidential walk'n'talks, took place sometime between "don't let the bed bugs bite" & "can you make me some cherrios?", when i was almost 9 years old.

as max got older, (& more mature?) we allowed him to sleep in the room that i shared with rachel.  my parents hated when he'd jump onto our beds, but we loved it.  that didn't stop me from telling him to come "up!  max, up!"  one particular night, after he'd been kicked off my bed by my parents, i fell asleep without further protest.  the following morning, i rolled over into a mouthful of red & blonde fur.

max had snuck back onto my bed, & slyly replaced my pillow during the night.

quickly, i woke rachel up & sent her to fetch a camera, being careful not to wake the still sleeping, precious, pillow of love.  rachel wasn't fast enough.  by the time she got back, he had woken up, but he didn't move.  we stayed cuddled together while rachel snapped a quick picture, which at the time, i thought had lost its value because he wasn't still asleep.

little did i know how much this picture would mean to me now.

as hard as it is to say goodbye, it's even harder to remember what could so easily be forgotten.

distant camera  by neil young

the flash of a distant camera,

reconnecting thoughts & actions:

fragments of our missing dreams.

pieces from here & there

fall in place along the line

disappearing between you & me.

life is changing everywhere i go.

new things & old both disappear.

if life is a photograph fading in the mirror,

all i want is a song of love,

song of love to sing for you.

all i need is this song of love to sing for you.

on the floor where daylight dances,

with the ones who missed their chances

when they couldn't let it show,

lies the land of sweet surrender.

like a dream, it might've ended there

but we didn't even know.

now forever we will live as one

floating in love's atmosphere.

if love is a piece of dust shining in the sun

all i want is a song of love,

song of love to sing for you.

all i need is this song of love to sing for you.

song of love...

song of love...