i'll show you where my demons hide from you

i am not a very strong person.

i revel in the severity of my emotions.

when i feel the deep pang of sorrow,

the kind that crumbles your insides & curdles your cries,

although i can't stop the pain,

i love the profound ability to feel;

to be aware of my living body & consciousness.

the same love exists for almost any range of emotion,

particularly, joy, excitement, & sorrow.

i am one of those girls who gets so excited or full of happiness

that i can't seem to contain it:

i clench my fists, jump, stomp my feet, & release small yells

all while wearing a smile on my face.

when i am alone or when i'm with someone i feel secure with

are when my emotions manifest themselves in full.

after closing my bedroom door on a romantic night

i reveal my inexplicably wide grin,

throw my hands into the air & sink to the floor.

i dance around my room singing,

fall back onto my bed daydreaming,

my insides twisting with joy.

then, when i'm sad,

i cry.

after a mandatory battle with my desire to be unharmed,

i eventually succumb to momentary weakness.

driving alone in my car, i yell out my disparity.

i cry for the turn of events.

i sing sad lyrics through the sobs & blurry vision.

& after i have seemingly cried my heart out,

i park the car to allow my red, blotchy face to normalize.

but the images & words keep flooding my mind with salt water,

that seeps into my eyes & onto my sweatshirt.

that's when i roll the windows down,

take two deep breaths & finish my drive home.

just two days ago, i was sweeping our kitchen floor when

a particular song came playing its memories on my ipod & in my heart.

what did i do?

well, i was alone so i had no trouble enjoying the sweet misery of

what was & could have been.

but it was a beautiful day, & as i shook the dust off our rugs,

i heard a robin singing.

the loss of my sight amidst the dust & wind

allowed me to focus on what i could hear & feel;

the sun warming my skin,

the robin's gentle song,

& a lyrical memory fading in the background.

life has a way of carrying people in & out of our life,

bringing with them all these moments of joy, sorrow, & excitement.

i will forever cherish these moments & long for the day when i can look back on them,

recalling the way i felt, but not having another bittersweet emotion tail-ending it.

for although i love the power of deep emotions,

i look forward to the day when i regain the stability to balance them out.