life before you know who you're gonna be

the events of this past weekend has made me realize something.

i watched my cousin eliza on one of the most important days of her life, blushing & overjoyed.

as she spoke about how blessed she feels to finally have found the one

who will love her continuously & unwaveringly

as they travel life's winding paths together,

i was brought to tears.

i realized that one of my biggest dreams, passions, & wishes

is to love & be loved "with a love that is more than love".

specifically, to find the one who i can share that love with.

though i don't know if i'm ready for that kind of love just yet,

i am excited for it & hope to be prepared to embrace it when it arrives.
i am excited to be a wife!
i hope i will be a great wife one day.
you know, the kind that cooks, cleans, is fashionable, & rocks it!
haha, so i'll continue to prepare for when that time comes a few years down the road.

i love love!

i love loving people.

i am passionate about spreading love.

& to me, spreading love is not necessarily a romantic notion.

i try to express my love [platonic & romantic] for people

by doing things for them,

by saying things to them.

rarely are they arduous grand gestures,

rather, they are smaller seemingly insignificant acts;

cleaning up after friends dirtied the place;

noticing a positive about them & mentioning it;

wearing my heart on my sleeve for them to see.

i know most of these things are what people would describe as my character,

& they are i suppose, i'm just consciously doing them when i'm with those i adore.

until that day when i understand who i am going to be,

& who i will love unconditionally,

i hope to give love freely to those around me.

i put my whole heart into relationships of all sorts,

& though i may drop down a little here & there,

i will be able to get back up every time knowing there is more love out there.

like this song:

& after the storm,
i run & run as the rains come.
& i look up, i look up.
on my knees & out of luck i look up.
night has always pushed up day.
you must know life to see decay.
but i won't rot, i won't rot.
not this mind & not this heart; i won't rot.
& i took you by the hand & we stood tall.
& remembered our own land; what we lived for.
there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
& love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears.
get over your hill & see what you find there,
with grace in your heart & flowers in your hair.
& now i cling to what i knew.
i saw exactly what is true, but oh no more.
that's why i hold,
that's why i hold with all i have.
that's why i hold.
& i will die alone & be left there.
well, i guess i'll just go home or god knows where.
because death is just so full & man so small.
well, i'm scared of what's behind & what's before.
there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

& love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears.

get over your hill & see what you find there,

with grace in your heart & flowers in your heart.

& there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

& love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears.

get over your hill & see what you find there,

with grace in your heart & flowers in your heart.